CUBAN IDIOSYNCRASY.
Cubans are the most exaggerated people in the world! And this statement is proof of that.
We have the most beautiful beaches, the bluest sky, the deepest ocean, the greenest countryside. Everybody knows that we produce the best boxers, baseball players, runners and jumpers.
We love to brag about our national treasures. And justifiably so. There is no other malecon in the world like the one in Havana. No other nightclub like the Tropicana. Our capitol building is similar but taller than the one in Washington. And the carnaval de Santiago can easily compete with the one in Rio.
And let's not talk about our gorgeous women. They are the most beautiful in the universe, all with shapely breasts, wasp-like waists and voluptuous hips. And our men are famous for their courage, intelligence and inventiveness. Besides all being modeled after Michael Angelo's David.
Do you know a person that can dance better than a Cuban? And the way a mulata moves her hips at the rhythm of a set of bongos is more enticing and exhilarating than two Viagra pills!
Cuban cuisine is the most delicious. And we are so modest about it that we named one or our most appetizing dishes "Ropa Vieja" (Old clothing) when we should have called it "Manjar de dioses" (god's gourmet food).
Italian gelato is good, but our mantecado is even better. Our beer is stronger than the German's and the Bacardi rum is unparalleled (ask Hemingway about it). Our espresso coffee is so thick that it can hold a teaspoon in the middle. And how many entrepreneurs have tried to copy the tobacco from Vuelta Abajo in other countries without success?
And we have no defects. Honest! Foreigners may accuse us of talking too fast and loud, but I assure you that we are not really arguing or trying to yell higher than our friends; we are simply having a conversation. We constantly move our hands while talking to give more emphasis to our words. We also continually interrupt other persons because we know beforehand what they are going to say...and they are always wrong. We are experts in every topic, from baseball to nuclear science. As we say in our country: "la sabemos toda" (we know everything).
Others may allege that we are arrogant, egotistic or presumptuous. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I can guarantee you that we are not vainglorious, in the least...even though God knows that we have enough reasons to be!
Our national customs and traditions are the most authentic and everlasting. Even our superstitions are the weirdest. Have you ever heard of tying the devil's balls with a cord for the purpose of finding a lost item?
Our imagination and ingenuity is the envy of the rest of the world. Who else but a Cuban can operate a car without a fuel pump, feeding the gas to the carburetor by hand through a funnel and pipe from the passenger seat? Or make a television dish antenna with household materials. Or turn an empty can of coffee into a women's bidet!
If you are Cuban, congratulations! You know exactly what I'm talking about. If you are married to one, you are probably constantly reminded of the fact that you are so lucky. If you're a foreigner, I pity you. Because you can only dream about the honor and privilege of having been born in "the most beautiful land that human eyes have ever seen." Which is what Columbus said when he landed in our island.
...But that's another story.
(These are excerpts from my book HISTORY OF CUBA (From a twisted point of view) - E-mail me at alvarcorp@msn.com if you want details.
Cubans are the most exaggerated people in the world! And this statement is proof of that.
We have the most beautiful beaches, the bluest sky, the deepest ocean, the greenest countryside. Everybody knows that we produce the best boxers, baseball players, runners and jumpers.
We love to brag about our national treasures. And justifiably so. There is no other malecon in the world like the one in Havana. No other nightclub like the Tropicana. Our capitol building is similar but taller than the one in Washington. And the carnaval de Santiago can easily compete with the one in Rio.
And let's not talk about our gorgeous women. They are the most beautiful in the universe, all with shapely breasts, wasp-like waists and voluptuous hips. And our men are famous for their courage, intelligence and inventiveness. Besides all being modeled after Michael Angelo's David.
Do you know a person that can dance better than a Cuban? And the way a mulata moves her hips at the rhythm of a set of bongos is more enticing and exhilarating than two Viagra pills!
Cuban cuisine is the most delicious. And we are so modest about it that we named one or our most appetizing dishes "Ropa Vieja" (Old clothing) when we should have called it "Manjar de dioses" (god's gourmet food).
Italian gelato is good, but our mantecado is even better. Our beer is stronger than the German's and the Bacardi rum is unparalleled (ask Hemingway about it). Our espresso coffee is so thick that it can hold a teaspoon in the middle. And how many entrepreneurs have tried to copy the tobacco from Vuelta Abajo in other countries without success?
And we have no defects. Honest! Foreigners may accuse us of talking too fast and loud, but I assure you that we are not really arguing or trying to yell higher than our friends; we are simply having a conversation. We constantly move our hands while talking to give more emphasis to our words. We also continually interrupt other persons because we know beforehand what they are going to say...and they are always wrong. We are experts in every topic, from baseball to nuclear science. As we say in our country: "la sabemos toda" (we know everything).
Others may allege that we are arrogant, egotistic or presumptuous. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I can guarantee you that we are not vainglorious, in the least...even though God knows that we have enough reasons to be!
Our national customs and traditions are the most authentic and everlasting. Even our superstitions are the weirdest. Have you ever heard of tying the devil's balls with a cord for the purpose of finding a lost item?
Our imagination and ingenuity is the envy of the rest of the world. Who else but a Cuban can operate a car without a fuel pump, feeding the gas to the carburetor by hand through a funnel and pipe from the passenger seat? Or make a television dish antenna with household materials. Or turn an empty can of coffee into a women's bidet!
If you are Cuban, congratulations! You know exactly what I'm talking about. If you are married to one, you are probably constantly reminded of the fact that you are so lucky. If you're a foreigner, I pity you. Because you can only dream about the honor and privilege of having been born in "the most beautiful land that human eyes have ever seen." Which is what Columbus said when he landed in our island.
...But that's another story.
(These are excerpts from my book HISTORY OF CUBA (From a twisted point of view) - E-mail me at alvarcorp@msn.com if you want details.
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