I AM A SOFA

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  Back in the 60's, Reader's Digest used to publish a series of articles about the history of typical household items, detailing when it was invented, the way it was manufactured, its many uses, etc.  All from that item's point of view.  I remember one titled "I am a coffee mug" which was captivating because you could learn its origin, the materials that it was made of and other particulars.  And the amusing part...the mug was the biographer!
I will attempt to write my own story with the hope that you will find it interesting.  Thanks for reading it.
The sofa.


"I AM A SOFA.


I was born in the small city of High Point, North Carolina, just a couple of years ago.  I don't know the exact date but I know that it took more than 300 hours to conceive me!  Many husky men took turns to create the beautiful baby than I am today.  The first man in my life, Willy, started to form my frame using some kiln-dried maple wood from my state, which was free of knots, bark or any defects (the wood, not the state).
The ends of the many wooden parts were clean-cut, fitted double doweled and glued together and reinforced with corner braces.  In some places even screws were used. This part was a little painful (not to mention embarrassing). Then another man installed a series of tempered steel springs on my seat area.  I fell very strong at this point and knew that I could be able to resist any future heavy weights.
Then somebody else put a lot of padding on top of it and in the arm rest and sides made from animal hair.  I think it was hog or horse; I couldn't tell the difference, all I know is that it didn't smell very well.  This padding was interwoven with strips of jute, a kind of burlap made in India.  Then the whole padding was covered with synthetic fibers and polyurethane foam.
I was moved to another room then for the fancy dressing up, to get ready for my triumphant entrance into the luxurious furniture world.  A blend of cotton-polyester fabric was chosen on my favorite color: burgundy.  Every single piece was measured and recorded in a cutting list.  The many panels were plotted in chalk so they would match wherever their seams would meet when finally applied.  The largest piece covered my seat, then the back and sides were taken care of.  All these pieces were carefully straightened and secured.  Then I was turned upside down (not a very pleasant position) and my bottom was covered with a material called cambric, which does the nasty job of dust covering.  Finally, the four wooden mocha-stained legs were attached.
And presto!...I was a sofa!  When I had a chance to look myself in the mirror, I blushed with excitement.  Nobody noticed my blushing because of my deep red color; but I felt very proud and ecstatic with my gorgeous figure. My plush velvety burgundy coat covering my curvaceous and sleek body was the envy of every sofa in the huge plant.  I was sure then that I was destined to make somebody very, very happy.
After my photograph appeared in a Crate&Barrel catalog, a couple from San Antonio, Allen and Aixa, fell in love with me and soon I arrived at their home in Shady Oaks.  I also fell in love with them and specially with their two lovely princesses, Aleina and Ailani.  I soon found out that these doctors were a bunch of wild adventurers.  One day, with the help of their respective parents, Jay, Bruni, Bob and Ful, they hauled me on top of a pick-up truck and took me on a two-hour trip to a rustic cabin near the picturesque (?) town of Utopia and placed me in the living room.  Next morning, I was back in the truck for a ride to Lost Maples Park, where they proceeded to carry me for miles around the site, with the sole purpose of using me as a prop for family portraits.  At one point, the park warden stopped his vehicle to watch what we were doing.  He claimed that it was the first time that he had seen anything so crazy.  Well, that is his opinion.  Anahi and Edgar, the professional photographers, took dozens of beautiful shots; so it was hard  to choose the best ones.  Click on the entry above this article to watch some of the photos.
I hope that now that I am back home I can rest for a while.  Or they may use me for some kinky stuff in the near future.
...But that will be another story."